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I tuck and I bind,
I pack and I grind,
But still somehow
I cannot find
The man inside
He wants out,
Let him free!
But he knows what you
Expect him to be
So I try to exceed
What you think of me
And make you change
How your thinking sees
Just a girl with small boobs
and a sock in her pants
But that's not me
You're just in a trance
Society's made you
Feel what they feel
And think what they think
Until it's not real
To hope that someday
You'll be who you need
Who you want
Who you feel
You really should be.
So I write this story
In hopes you'll find
That I'm still me
Whether I bind
Or hold my head high
Or look like a man
Because I look past it;
I know that I can.
This is my writing about being a Transman. The picture I posted is my latest tat.
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:iconvanessarosednr:
vanessaROSEdnr Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2015  New member
That spoke to me i am a trans woman so ik how it can feel ppl see me they see a punk BOY but inside theres a girl who wants to b heard wants to wear dresses wants to hav skirts and beautiful make up but sadly no one can accept that and demand the man i am not to b who i am
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:iconn-b-r-artwork:
N-B-R-artwork Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I really relate to this, thank you for sharing such a lovely piece of literature.
Especially this part:
'But he knows what you
Expect him to be
So I try to exceed
What you think of me'
Reply
:iconcharlenexxx:
charlenexxx Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Ok, I've read ur poem, and it's from ur Heart, it is very well written! It does convey very well what is n ur heart and thoughts! And no, don't let the way I'm starting this comment scare u! I, of all people am not gonna browbeat u! It's just that I've read 3 pages of comments, and now I gotta put my 2 cents n! If u notice my icon, I'm weird n kinky too! Ur a girl, who wants to be a guy, well guess what, I'm a guy who wants to be a girl, Go figure, eh! When I was about 4 or 5 my mom put a red frilly dress on me, for what reason? IDK? Don't remember! When I was n grade school, I played more with de girls than w/ de boys! Patty cake, jump rope, etc. I liked girl things, no, didn't go so far as to play w/ dolls! But I also did a lot of self bondage, a very young age. When I got to my early teens I'd dress up n moms clothes, while she was @ work, a little later mom would give me her heels to break in, but yet I'd still try to get into a girls pants, if u kno what I mean! I can remember when I was about 6 , I started shaving my legs! Been shaving pretty much as long as I can remember! Never considered having a guy to guy thing, Yuk! But on the streets as a homeless hippie, always n need o money, when I got hit on, and for de money I' cave n, but never reciprocate! Yuk! But I like girly things, n when I see a ( brick house) I just shudder n sorta cry, why can't I be like her! Oh that I could feel the female flesh between my legs, n the pretty bumps on my chest, n that sweet hot ass be my own! I'd give anything to kno what female flesh feels like to live n! Even the bleeding n cramps, cause that's all part of it! Being a girl! N being pretty n soft n sexy, n de pretty clothes n etc.! Men r for de most part ugly, inconsiderate slobs, their gruff n vulgar, n for de most part not very appreciative of women ! Not all men! But men n general! If I were genetic, I'd be damned selective of men! But let's not leave de woman outta de nasty equation ! Girls r bitchy, competitive, n down right backstabbing! U don't wear de right outfit, or shoes, or etc, she's a skank or a whore! No respect! Yeah so why would I wanna be a girl! So why would u wanna be a guy? Is the grass really that much greener???? IDK! But I do kno de DEEP longing n desire, n de disdain for ones own flesh! Trust me I DO understand! But just where does that put us on de spiritual plane! Where does that sit with the one who created us? Who formed us, who knew us BEFORE we were in de womb? IDK I have lots o questions myself! I've prayed fasted begged n cried out! But I'm still a guy! Even if either of us went de distance, ( hormones surgery etc) de DNA stamp wouldn't change! We're still what we r born with! U can't change de genetics of a dog to be a cat, or visa versa! I know it's a tragic limbo to be in! And we, u n I r not alone! But where u n I may differ, is that I Know that my Father loves me, no matter how screwed up my thinking or desire is, He Still Loves Me! And yes, He Loves u to, so very much, that He Sent His Son to pay for our penalties! U see God Loves Us, just not what we do! Like taking things outta nature, outta context! Outta His natural scope of things! Don't worry I'm including myself here too! I really wish I could really convey just how much GOD really loves His Creation, u n me, n all de rest o us n dis trans boat! I mean some of us have genuine desires to be changed. And some have very wicked desires n reasons, to be changed! And that's an other branch to climb, only one branch at a time!" As far as religion goes, I'm a Christian, and religion sucks! Out right sucks!" Religion is mans vain n controlling attempt to play God! Plain n simple! U know, u girls always wanna talk about relationships! Well I'll tell ya, y'all got nothing on relationships , that Jesus didn't already fix! Because that is just exactly what He died for to fix! The Broken Relationship between God n man! Jesus hated, no dispised the religious piousity n religious traditions, that cause men to be bound in sin n slavery! He also dispises hypocracy, u should read how He chastised the scribes n religious sect of the day . Bottom line here! Come to God, through Jesus, Just As You Are, He Loves Us, All of Us just the way we are! Pour your heart out to Him, ! I do! I may not get all the answers I want, lots o things I really don't understand why, But for the most part, I have the peace of knowing He loves me, and that I am His child! Well that was a long 2 cents worth, n I most sincerely hope it'll help! May you go in the peace and Love of Christ! And find ur way to the Kingdom through Him! And find the peace ur heart that u r so desperately crying out for! And me too!
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Look, I appreciate that you put in the time and the effort to write all that out. That's awesome, and the love you have for your god is awesome, but I'm afraid I must inform you that, though I'm not Christian, I am religious in a different way. I love my gods and know that they put me here for a reason and intended for me to be this way. I appreciate what you want to do for me and my immortal soul, honestly, I really do appreciate it. But I have found the religion that makes the most sense to me; the one that's right for me. I'm at peace with my temporary physical problems because I know that my soul has no gender and the gods can get confused sometimes, and that they allowed for us to become so brilliant that we might be able to transform that which was once a female into, in all intents and purposes, a male. I'm thankful that my gods have been so kind to me as to let my mother and her family be accepting of me for who I am, and I'm just generally happy with my life. Thank you again for your offer, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline.

On a different note, I hope that you're able to continue your transition happily. I'm pleased that you understand that, clearly, your god made you this way for a reason and loves you regardless. That's effin' cool.
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:iconanobouzu:
anobouzu Featured By Owner May 19, 2012
Right on, brother. I can't stand it when people give me dirty looks because I tell them I'm a transman yet I don't fit what society has told them what trans people are. We aren't just a cookie-cut design. And even though I try my hardest to express physically how I am on the inside, people still aren't satisfied, when really, I sit back and think, I shouldn't be trying to satisfy anyone - and same for anyone in the Trans community - it's about feeling comfortable being ourselves.

Great poem. :iconbrofistplz:
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks, man.

:iconbrofist4plz:
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:iconlexluvs2write:
LexLuvs2Write Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is a beautiful and inspiring piece, I loved it.. I really hope that people of this world can just let go of their... shrewdness? (is that the word?)... and just let people be happy how they want-no- need. But I hope your journey becomes easier, and I'm praying you have the strength to face all the trials -as I will not pretend there aren't any-. Much love for this amazing piece of literature <3
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for your kind words and your prayers. Any thought that is a good is a thought I'll accept. :)
Reply
:iconlexluvs2write:
LexLuvs2Write Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Of course :D <3
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:icontelestlees:
telestlees Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Nice! And nice tat! I'm a transman and can relate :)
Reply
:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for both compliments!
Reply
:icontelestlees:
telestlees Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconredbird8899:
redbird8899 Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
EPIC TATTOO! and this poem is cool. its sorta dr suess-y
i love
Reply
:iconxcezaryx:
xCezaryx Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i have problems imagining why a woman would want to be a guy, because really, we're dumb and ugly :D There's hair everywhere..even at places you didn't know you have them. It's said that men have more of a logical brain, but truth is, men in groups tend to ignore logical arguments, when you are less masculine than them. Only advantage is, that we can pee while standing , but i've been told that many women do that also... haha. I feel like beeing a guy is beeing one step back on the evolution chart most of the time xD
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Please don't just say TL;DR and ignore this.

Let's do an exercise. You're a boy, right? You're happy to be a boy?

Now imagine that, although YOU know you're a boy, for some reason since you were little, your mom made you wear dresses for family pictures, and called you 'Nicolina' instead of 'Nicolas' or 'Nick', like you've always wanted. And imagine that everyone calls you a 'she' when YOU know that's not right. Your mom buys you Barbies and faerie wands instead of legos and cap guns. Then, for some reason, you turn eleven and your chest starts enlarging. But... That's not right... You're a boy! And then one day, you start bleeding between your legs, and after that your chest just starts getting bigger and bigger until-

Your mom made you buy a bra. You don't want it, it shows off your worst assets, but you have to wear it or you'll be mocked constantly in school. You get into high school and your parents start asking, "Why don't you ever wear make-up, show off that pretty face of yours?" "Why do you want a haircut? Your hair's so beautiful." "Why do you need an ACE bandage? You haven't hurt yourself." One day, the pressure gets to be too much for you, you hate your breasts because it's all because of them, you were a boy until they grew... You try to cut them off, it doesn't work, and you're put in the hospital for two weeks for hurting yourself. Then, while you're there, you meet someone, someone who's had the same problem or knows someone who has.

They tell you about 'trans*' people. They tell you there are options. You never knew about it before, but now that you do, you can do research. You find out that there are chances and opportunities to look the way you've felt since you can remember. Would you take that chance?
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:iconxcezaryx:
xCezaryx Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well , in case of the woman to men hormone therapy , the results are even past puberty so effective , that often no one can tell, that the person has been born a woman. Given my family history however , i can safely deduct that i wouldn't desire becomming something , that's fucked up all my life :P But that's just me.. i see your point at least.
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Being a girl when I've mentally been a boy is what fucked me up.
Reply
:iconvictorian-dandy:
Victorian-Dandy Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a might fine piece of art and as a fellow transman, I can totally relate to this

And to all the ignorant people who like to call this a "disease" or say that it is wrong for whatever reason.

Being transgendered and having Gender Dysphoria is not a personal choice, doesn't matter if we are F2M or M2F not one of us woke up one morning and went "You know what I think I'll swap genders" this isn't as simple as choosing brown sauce or ketchup on your food. We can go through years of confusion, denial (while we try to live in a role that we are not) and even self loathing (to the point of SI in my case) and then we have to jump through so many hoops that are in place just so we can start to live a life as we should.

More often than not transgendered individuals suffer mental health issues because of the way narrow mind and bigoted people treat us. I've been spat on, had things thrown at me and actually assaulted because I am trans.

So once again my friend well done :hug:
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know exactly how you feel (I too have been spat on and attacked for who I am). And it feels... Well, not great, exactly, but relieving to know that someone feels as I do. While I was reading your comment all I could think was, "Wow, it's like he's reading my mind." I want to thank you for your compliment, and for your understanding. You're awesome.
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:iconvictorian-dandy:
Victorian-Dandy Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, It's quality pieces of work like your poetry that will hopefully help us all gain not only knowledge and understanding but acceptance.
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'll soon be posting a video on Youtube with me reading this poem, as well as me explaining how I believe many transmen feel, in terms that cys people can understand. :)
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:iconemaconly:
emaconly Featured By Owner May 13, 2012
That is awesome. Have you thought about doing a video of you reading it? I love this.
Reply
:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Y'know, I haven't actually thought of that... But now that you have, I'll have to consider it very seriously. Thanks for the suggestion!
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:iconemaconly:
emaconly Featured By Owner May 14, 2012
Sweet!!! :)
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
And now, actually, I've decided to do two videos, one that's me reading my poem and explaining to women how it feels to be trans*, and the other is me reading my poem and explaining to men what it's like to be trans*, to the best of my ability. I feel that I have to make both, because, although I believe it's roughly the same feeling on both sides, it's a completely different story for each.
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:iconemaconly:
emaconly Featured By Owner May 21, 2012
Sweet! I can't wait to see it! Do link me when you are done.
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:iconforeverdisaster:
ForeverDisaster Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Wow. That is one awesome tattoo!
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
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:iconforeverdisaster:
ForeverDisaster Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I showed it to my mother earlier and she also said *holds thumb up* "Now that looks good!"

**FYI: it takes a lot before my mother says something like that**
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Uh, thanks! That's pretty cool. Oftentimes parents don't really like saying anything good about anything trans, so I'm really thankful that your mom said it was cool. Tell her I say thanks!
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:iconforeverdisaster:
ForeverDisaster Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
My mom is pretty open minded when it comes to trans. Androgyne and pansexuality are a bit harder for her to understand, but she tries.
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's so awesome.
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:iconforeverdisaster:
ForeverDisaster Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
She always says "as long as you're happy, it's fine by me. If you find a person you love and that person loves you back, it's even better."
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's so fantastic. My grandma's always saying, "It doesn't matter where you find love, so long as you find it. There's so little in this world, you've gotta find it somewhere."
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(1 Reply)
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:iconpureblood-kaname:
Pureblood-kaname Featured By Owner May 26, 2012
Darling transexual and transgender are two different things. And i really don't think you have right to say,"No your this instead of that." believe me transmen like myself and makoto-chiyoru know what we are.
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No, I'm a transgendered person.
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:iconjayleighine:
Jayleighine Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Student General Artist
You are awesome and amazing and fantastic.

This is beautifully well-written, and the tattoo is so cool :)

I can't say I understand what you're going through, because I'm not transgender, but you got my full support :)
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you dearly!
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:iconhaydenjayden:
haydenjayden Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh by the way lovely tattoo to the poem that will shed much light on the misunderstood life of trans people and i hope more people understand...
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much.
Reply
:iconhaydenjayden:
haydenjayden Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your very welcome :) Don't let anyone put you down :) Be strong! lol :)
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I try my hardest lol.
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:icongeezus-sneezus:
Geezus-Sneezus Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh, I am too ;p
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:iconfreedom14:
freedom14 Featured By Owner May 13, 2012
I'm sorry for peoples rudeness, and God Bless the kind people who support you. I am a "Christian" though the term loses meaning when people are dissrespectful.
When in the womb, the fetus starts a female. Minds may develope before the body catches up, hence hormones and minds may not match the body. (My grandmother is a nurse) A lot of people who are bisexual, or transgender are "Christians", so hush y'all who are cruel to you brothers and sisters. I respect some of you may have different views and opinions, and hope you will extend the some respect to others.
I hope all goes well for you dear writer, and hope you can help others learn about our diverities, and be treated with the respect you deserve. Though I cannot directly relate to your poem, it hurts me to see others bullied, and dissrespected over their differences. You did not choose to born how you are, but you can act on what you want to do about it. Though you may not beleive in the God I do, whatever entity you cherish did this so you can be a voice for others I'm sure. <3 Stay strong, and do not be afraid to be who you truely feel you are.
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. I really appreciate the respect you have here. Like, really. Most Christians are unwilling to accept that other religions may be right for different people, let alone that their gender identity might actually differ. Thank you so much for your kind words, and may your god bless you as well as mine. :)
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:iconworldcanbegood:
WorldCanBeGood Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Student Writer
i like the feeling you gave to it
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:iconmakoto-chiyoru:
makoto-chiyoru Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much. :)
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:iconworldcanbegood:
WorldCanBeGood Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Student Writer
YW!!!
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:iconbakaar:
Bakaar Featured By Owner May 13, 2012
To everyone that is saying this is a "disease", a sickness or "wrong", especially to my fellow Christians who are leaving such comments. This person is not sick, or "diseased", saying that is ignorant, do some research please. This person's brain tells them they are male even though they are in a female body. There is no way to "fix" this except for them to change their sex. Instead of thinking of it as "unnatural" and wrong, you should see it more like fixing a cleft palate or something, that's probably a bad example, but an example I'm making to point out it is nothing more than a cosmetic surgery. You only view it as "wrong" because of it's "sexual" nature, and that's the truth of it. She's not "gay" or "wrong" or "weird", Her brain literally tells her she is male, she feels male, thinks she is male, being female on the outside just leaves her confused and I would guess causes her unhappiness, surgery is the answer to this "problem".
I would ask that my fellow Christians open your mind, do some research, before you "judge" this person. Truth be told we are not supposed to judge anyhow, the Bible tells us that, straight up.

Anyways, I can't say I can relate to your poem, but it is interesting. C: I'm sorry for all the ignorance, especially from my fellow Christians. Truth be told though I don't think enough people are educated on this subject, and they should be. You should always educate yourself about something before you open your big mouth, but you know how people are. >.>
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